Building Couple Time Tip:
New Parents: Ease Up on Unrealistic Expectations!
It’s very common for you to continue to expect you should forge ahead with your new families, not appreciating the increase in unexpected changes, child care, couple care, fatigue, increased work load, chores, etc.
You may have even prided yourself on what a great multitasker you were, or how you loved to do things perfectly. A common expectation I often hear is, “I’m supposed to be supermom and keep on top of everything, like before I had children.”
Hello, wakeup call! Not to take the wind out of your sails but as you now know there is a lot more energy and time going into taking care of your baby/children.
Please slow down and be respectful of yourself and your partner. You are probably doing the best you can, and hopefully this can be your new mantra over perfection.
Try this Self-compassion exercise - adapted from Dr. Rick Hansen’s work:
To begin, think of one of your dear friends who has a baby or young children and often gets stressed with trying to care for their marriage and all the additional duties she or he has at home and at work.
How kind and considerate would you be to them?
What would you say to that dear friend right now?
What would you say to them to help them ease up on unrealistic expectations of themselves and their situation?
Now, take a few minutes and take 3 relaxing breaths.
With each breath say to yourself exactly the kind and generous words you would say to your best friend.
Please say these kind words 3 times to yourself.
Use this as a new mantra to help you ease up on your own unrealistic expectations of yourself.
Notice how you can breathe easier with how gentle and kind you can be with yourself.
As an added benefit you may notice how this kindness spreads to your marital or couple partner and your children!
What kind words and gestures would you like to say to your partner?
What kind words and gestures would you like to say to your baby or children?
Self-compassion is an important prerequisite for compassion for others.
What did you learn about yourself after doing the compassion exercise? What did your partner learn? Please share this with each other and comment below what you discovered about yourself and your marriage.
Thanks for sharing with our Building Couple Time Community!
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Are you a parent with a young child or two? Then I bet you're feeling frustrated, exhausted, and overwhelmed with the never-ending To Do list that comes with growing a family. This "Date State" guide will help you feel closer and more connected in your marital/couple relationship!